It seems like celebrities do everything larger than life, from homes to cars to kids from Malawi. They live a lavish lifestyle that most of us look at with longing, lust, or pure disgust. They shop and sunbathe and eat at the Ivy, while their cavalcade of body guards keeps the paparazzi (and general public) at bay. They make more money on one movie than most of us will earn in a lifetime, and they could easily blow through one of my monthly paychecks in five minutes down on Robertson. Yep, they pretty much live life on a cleaner, prettier planet than the rest of us (one in which designer dresses and Bulgari gift bags flow like water). So it’s no surprise that when they do their wedding cakes, they do them bigger and better than anyone else.
Case in point, the Donald. Trump’s most recent nuptials included a 7-tiered, orange Gran Marnier chiffon cake that topped out at an impressive five feet high (you could call it Trump’s tower of a cake). At 32 inches across the base, weighing in at 200 pounds, and covered with 3,000 white roses made of icing, this cake was clearly the belle of the ball (sorry, Melania). But the best part? Every guest got their own individual chocolate sponge cakes, crafted to look like the top tier of the real cake. It really doesn’t get more extravagant than that. No one trumps the Donald! (Except maybe Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Their 6-foot tall Sylvia Weinstock creation had to have the top two tiers removed just to fit through the doors of their reception hall! But don’t worry, Don, I’m sure it didn’t have as many flowers…)
Another exceptional cake was to be found at Fergie’s fairy-tale wedding to actor Josh Duhamel. If you think I’m joking, feast on this. Her large and lavish cake was…fanfare, please…a castle, complete with soaring spires, turrets, and flags (apparently, it was based on Disney’s Magical Kingdom, sans fireworks parade). The only thing missing was a princess in the highest tower, but I guess there can be only once princess per wedding. Sadly, there was no moat to keep guests from cutting this incredible cake to pieces.
Some celebrities strive to keep it classy, like Melissa Joan Hart, who went with a modest 3-tiered pistachio cake in white with purple embellishments. But don’t think she didn’t go a little bit Hollywood…her cake was an exact replica of the one from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Tia Mowry also hit a sweet note with a small but stately five square tiers of pale pink perfection, discreetly dotted with pink roses and traditional trim. Other celebrities, however, have gone a bit over the top with their non-traditional tastes. Take for example Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. Their Alice-In-Wonderland theme produced a cake from another world, with a green top-hat for the base, and a pocket-watch and teapot topper. Then there’s Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, who tarted it up with a sinfully delicious pound cake covered in red icing and roses. Their twisted topper? Tony climbs the cake in his Spurs getup, carrying a pint-sized Eva, idea courtesy of King Kong. And let’s not forget Mariska Hargitay’s towering inferno of a cake. With six wobbling layers of red and orange icing, it’s amazing the whole affair didn’t go up in flames.
And then there’s the simply outlandish in the arena of celebrity wedding cakes, like Toni Braxton’s four layers of Tiffany boxes (mint green icing with white bow embellishment). Does it get any more bourgeois? But my favorite, by far, when it comes to creating the most impossible cake known to man, has got to be Blair Underwood’s Eiffel Tower cake. This thing looks like molded plastic (oh, and it’s lit from within). Looking at the intricate webwork of the interior portions, it’s hard to believe this is actually cake, and actually standing. I call shenanigans!